you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Let's get the cat blown out
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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