Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
