I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize