I just pynch a tree in the face
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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