All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
