so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarcasm needs its own font
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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