if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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