apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
