i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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