why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
