piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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