final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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