dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
