Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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