You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think your dad took our porno
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
