That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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