If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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