I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
