Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
