fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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