It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
