I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
