Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
