And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
