k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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