my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
