Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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