Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize