If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize