she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
