Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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