I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
