You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
