It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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