you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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