jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
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my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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