He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
