I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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