First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
