no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
