Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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