so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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