Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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