Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
