Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So vagazzling was a success
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
