Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize