he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.