Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude