If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
