I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS