Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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