i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
