you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
