Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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