I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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