Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
