Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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