There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
