you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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