I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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