hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
