I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize