Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
What a dumb baby whore.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
