My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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