You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
