Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
