you would pick up someone in the library
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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