Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
