I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
