with your own penis?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
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He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
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I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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