My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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