worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
