She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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