Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
