I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
