She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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