so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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