You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
