Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You pole danced in your parka.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
