yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
