I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we made out on top of his cat.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have already put on my inside pants.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
