im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish I only lived at night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
