I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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